


Like Goodness and Safety

by himawri45 (kotaka_kun)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alpha!Bucky, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Omega!Steve, Omegaverse, Winter Soldier!Steve, except steve doesn't really know he's in heat
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 04:57:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15187274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kotaka_kun/pseuds/himawri45
Summary: But then everything became worse by tenfold, it wasn’t enough, and Steve didn’t know what to do. His stomach was starting to hurt, and his body temperature just kept rising, and it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes trained on the door and not bury his face in the cushions. He had to strip himself too, even the soft flannel pajamas Bucky had bought for him feeling too rough on his skin. He was beginning to think he had actual molten lead going through his veins, what with how uncomfortably warm and heavy his whole body felt, and the overwhelming need for... something was just rendering him utterly useless. His legs felt weak as he stumbled over to the door to make sure it was locked, and he was trembling by the time he managed to climb back into bed.





	Like Goodness and Safety

**Author's Note:**

> //(recovering) Wintersoldier!Steve being confused about his heat after not having it for 70+ years.//
> 
> cross-posted on [this blog](http://ohmyomegasteveandalphabucky.tumblr.com)

Some days were better than others -- days where Steve felt comfortable in his own skin; he didn’t feel the need to carry his four knives, just one or two. He had more better days than he had bad days, and for that both he and Bucky were grateful. It had been a nerve wracking three and a half months, full of panic attacks and knife attacks that all inevitably ended in barely coherent half-sobbed apologies on Steve’s part. 

Bucky was always patient -- so patient -- and Steve really didn’t know how he’d ever repay him. He never once complained about the way Steve would flinch away from his touch one day, and then be unable to be anywhere  _ but _ in Bucky’s lap the next; or even the far-too-frequent nightmares that still plagued Steve. Bucky assured him he wasn’t the only one having nightmares, and as heartbreaking as that was, it was also damn reassuring, because if  _ Bucky _ of all people dreamed of bad things, surely it meant that Steve wasn’t  _ so  _ broken? 

They’d get through this one step at a time, Bucky had promised him. 

And they did. For the most part. 

Of course, he couldn’t be blamed for panicking when he woke feeling sluggish and sensitive. The doctors - the doctors Bucky had promised were good and had indeed not hurt him thus far - had said that he was like Bucky, that the serum he had made it near impossible to get sick. He knew that wasn’t entirely true, he remembered HYDRA’s men in white lab coats telling him that he was sick. They’d told him that to make him better, he’d needed maintenance. Most of it was for his arm, but sometimes, they would give him medicines. He’d never really known what they were supposed to do - a machine didn’t need to know how it worked, after all - but he remembered not liking what the medicines did to his body. Sometimes they made him run hot, and rendered him immobile. Sometimes, they made his limbs feel heavy, making him drift between being unconscious and wakefulness. 

And that’s what it felt like now. His body feverish and heavy, but over sensitive at the same time.  Everything was suddenly so much, like all his senses were suddenly in overdrive, and he just couldn’t seem to dial it back to normal. The sheets that were a higher thread count than they could’ve ever afforded back before felt grating against his skin, and the usual light lingering scent of Bucky on the couch was suddenly all he could focus on. Bucky’s scent of cinnamon and lavender and steel and safety and all things  _ good _ made him want to just burrow into the cushions and never face the world again. 

But Steve wasn’t stupid, he knew the sightlines in the living room provided him no cover. It was too dangerous to be so naive. It was safer to take the cushions into his bedroom, where the only entrance was the one door, which was able to be secured, and his bed was in a place that would allow for Steve to keep a good vantage point from.

Much more safe. 

Before he realized what he was doing, he had all the couch cushions gathered up on his bed, and every piece of soft material he could find surrounded him as well. Being surrounded in Bucky’s scent helped for a little bit - it was like he was finally able to breathe, his body finally settling into some semblance of normal. 

But then everything became worse by tenfold, it wasn’t enough, and Steve didn’t know what to do. His stomach was starting to hurt, and his body temperature just kept rising, and it was getting harder and harder to keep his eyes trained on the door and not bury his face in the cushions. He had to strip himself too, even the soft flannel pajamas Bucky had bought for him feeling too rough on his skin. He was beginning to think he had actual molten lead going through his veins, what with how uncomfortably warm and heavy his whole body felt, and the overwhelming need for... something was just rendering him utterly useless. His legs felt weak as he stumbled over to the door to make sure it was locked, and he was trembling by the time he managed to climb back into bed. 

He didn’t know what to do, where to turn to for help, and he was scared. For the first time since coming to the tower, he was scared not of what others might do to him, but he was scared of himself. Of his own body. It was like he was losing control to the Soldier all over again, and he was utterly helpless to stop it. 

And when he began to leak from his ass, embarrassment and shame set in on top of his fear. What the hell was happening to him? Was this an effect of being drugged? He couldn’t remember this ever happening before, though that didn’t really mean it hadn’t. And why was he getting hard? None of this made sense, and it made Steve want to sink into the floor and just disappear. 

And then, as if to attest to his lack of ability to focus on anything but his broken body, Bucky’s voice drifted in from the living room. Steve hadn’t even heard the elevator doors open. He was usually so good about keeping his ears attuned to any sort of potential threat - not that Bucky was a threat - it just terrified him to think that he was so out of it, he wasn’t able to keep his guard up. 

“Steve?” Bucky called, and somehow Steve couldn’t hold back a whimper. “Jarvis said you were in distress. What’s-” His voice went funny a split second before he fell quiet, and Steve didn’t know why. He wanted to call back, ask what was happening to him, but then he realized he could smell Bucky from here. 

Bucky had never smelled so good, so safe. Which was strange, because Bucky only ever smelled like goodness and safety to Steve. He’d just never smelled  _ this _ good and safe. 

“Stevie,” Bucky’s voice was closer, just outside the door, “Are you okay?” he sounded strained. Maybe he could tell that Steve was sick. 

“No.” Steve croaked. 

“Can I come in?” Bucky asked, and after a moment, Steve nodded. Even though Bucky couldn’t see, he knew Jarvis would let Bucky in. Tony’s AI was good about that - he waited for Steve to give permission before letting anyone in, as long as he wasn’t doing anything dangerous. 

A moment later, there was a click, and Steve looked up at Bucky standing in the doorway, looking a little tense. Wetting his lips, Steve attempted to offer a smile, but he was pretty sure it looked more like a grimace than anything. 

“Everything hurts, Bucky.” Steve said, reluctant to cover up for reasons he couldn’t place, as Bucky moved closer. “I don’t know what’s happening, everything’s so much and you smell so good, but I’ve got a fever and everything hurts.”    
Bucky swallowed, coming to sit at the edge of the bed, and Steve didn’t hesitate to crawl closer and right into Bucky’s lap without reserve. 

“You don’t know what’s happening?” Bucky asked quietly. Steve shook his head.    
“I woke up feeling... weird.” he tried to explain. “Hot and...like I can’t control my body.”    
Bucky was silent for a long moment, and it took all of Steve’s willpower not to bury his face in Bucky’s neck like he wanted. 

“You’re in heat, Stevie,” he said eventually, “You know what that is, don’t you?” 

Steve froze, letting Bucky’s words sink in. He nodded slowly, but still needed a moment to process it all. He knew what a heat was, he’d seen it happen to the other Soldiers, he’d observed targets’ cycles so he could strike when they were most vulnerable. He hadn’t thought that he was capable of having heats anymore though. He hadn’t had one in the time he’d been here thus far, so he’d assumed that it had just been one more thing HYDRA had beaten out of him. 

“You don’t remember having heats?” Bucky asked gently, the ‘before this all’ heavily implied. Steve shook his head, shame curling in his gut. Had Bucky been with him, back then? When Steve had still been small and useless? 

“‘M sorry.” he said automatically, but Bucky was shaking his head before he even finished getting the words out. 

“I was just asking, sweetheart, it’s alright.” he assured Steve, and he sounded genuine enough that Steve relaxed a little in his arms. And then came words that made Steve light up. “I can stay and help you through it if you want.” 

“You can?” he asked weakly. Because there really was nothing more he wanted in this moment than Bucky. If he was going to be vulnerable, he was going to be vulnerable in front of Bucky, who’d seen him fall apart and had still patiently put him back together again. 

When Bucky nodded, Steve felt his breath hitch, relief beginning to course through his system as the thought of a trusted Alpha taking care of him set in. 

“Please, Bucky.” he mumbled. 

Bucky pressed a kiss to his forehead, and Steve leaned into it. 

“Sure thing, sweetheart.” 

 

**Author's Note:**

> come keep me company on [tumblr](http://kotaka-kun.tumblr.com)!!


End file.
